What to wear to a gay bar if youre straight

I love straight women. Some of my best friends are straight women. That's not a "Some of my best friends are black"-style declaration intended to conceal a true misogynistic nature. My best friend is actually a straight woman. In fact, some of my most memorable in a good way nights out over the years have been nights out with straight women.

That's why I used to get so turned off when bouncers at certain gay bars and clubs in New York City enforced strict men-only policies. At Sircuit and The Peel in Melbourne, they often still do. I once boycotted Sound Factory for months because the door man refused entry to my friend Laura and then tackled her boyfriend Brian when he protested too much.

I still can't condone that bouncer's violent outburst, but now I kind of understand where Sound Factory's powers that be were coming from. Some girls, generally the ones with boyfriends or husbands at home, cheerfully observe from their place on the sidelines. They come strictly to hang out with their gay friends or to avoid the obnoxious men who stalk straight clubs.

Then there are the ones who give straight women in gay bars a bad name. They're usually single, and they're always angling for center stage. It's like they're secretly hoping to lure the one straight guy who might be there on the same night, or perhaps luck out and succeed at "turning" one of us.

Which brings me to the first rule If you're up all night to get lucky, you should probably test your endurance elsewhere. Once, at the entrance to DJ Station in Bangkok, I met a British Airways flight attendant and Katy Perry lookalike who immediately left her gay colleagues at the door and dragged me to the dance floor.

As the music pounded and Rihanna pleaded, she moved closer and closer. Somewhere around "'Cause I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man," she stuck her tongue down my throat. I put part of the blame for the preponderance of impatient women at the bar on club owners who insist on hiring hunky straight boys to pour the booze.

For horny women this might be their only shot unless they're OK with having a killer hangover the next day. But hold on!

5 Simple Rules for Straight Women in Gay Bars

If you want a drink, get in line. Don't push your way to the bar wearing a defiant expression of entitlement. I'm not the kind of guy who regularly gets into bar altercations, but I'm two for two the last two times I went out in Cape Town, and all three showdowns were with women, queen bees who were either wielding cigarettes like weapons or thought it was beneath them to say, "Excuse me.

Or perhaps they felt that they should be rewarded for being open-minded enough to go clubbing with their gay friends. I once had a woman at Beige, B Bar's now-defunct Tuesday-night gay party in New York City, practically shove me to the floor in her mad dash to get to the bartender before I did.

When I told her to watch it, she made herself the injured party, calling me names and turning to her gay friends for backup. When that didn't work and the bartender served me before serving her, she became more enraged.